This one is for all of you who believe you’re unworthy, who believe you’re too broken, who believe you’re too far gone for fixing or saving…

I know what it’s like to feel this way, and I’m going to walk you through how I know. Then I’m going to show you why it doesn’t matter what you’ve done, Jesus is still there reaching out to you.

At 19, I walked away from my family, my home, my religion, everything I knew. Everything except my boyfriend. I left everything I knew for a boy, hoping I’d finally be able to make my own decisions, hoping I’d no longer be a verbal/emotional punching bag.

My boyfriend and I moved in with his parents. We bounced from one job to another, trying to find something sufficient to support the two of us on our own. My boyfriend wanted to join the marines and started training with a recruiter. I went with him one day and had my own conversation with the recruiter. Everything I heard sounded like everything we needed to start our own life – career, housing, education, health insurance, etc. I decided to enlist as well.

We continued training, but for many reasons, we decided the marines would not be the right fit; but we still wanted to join the military. So we went to the Army. But, for medical reasons, my boyfriend was disqualified. I decided to continue with my enlistment, hoping I could provide what we needed.

We got married right before I left for basic training. It felt like a new, exciting chapter to life. What I didn’t realize is I had left behind one life of control and abuse for another.

It didn’t take long for the fights to be a regular thing with my husband and I. I’d look for excuses to work longer so I wouldn’t have to be at home. But I still had hope; I still saw my best friend under all the bad.

Fast forward about two-three years, and as much as I still wanted to believe I had hope, I didn’t. By now I was lying about just about everything. I smoked cigarettes and used to time when the last one was before going home. I’d volunteer for extra work and say it was assigned to me so I didn’t have a choice. I stopped fighting for the relationship and started trying to just get through the next day.

Fast forward another year, now I’ve cheated on my husband while away at training and still went back home to him and covered it up. Went on with life like nothing happened.

One more year, now I’m in a foreign country. My husband is stateside staying with my family. The fights continue and they start getting worse. Now I’m also looking for any and every opportunity to get slap-drunk. I, knowingly, cheat on my husband three more times, intermixed with instances I still can’t remember.

By now, I have no friends, no family I trust to share with, no husband, and my unit alienated me.

I was low, to say the least.

Then I meet who would become my big brother I never had. And then I meet who God intended to become my husband and father of my children, we’ll call him Lumberjack.

One day, I was sightseeing with Lumberjack and his buddy in a nearby city. They came across a huge, elegant church and walked inside to check it out. I hesitated but took a deep breath and walked in after them. I had taken maybe five steps before I was headed back out the door.

I couldn’t do it. By this point, I believed in God but I believed myself to be worse than unworthy. I had tattoos, I drank coffee daily, I got drunk whenever I could (and sometimes when I couldn’t), I was a liar, a cheater… An abomination like me was not worthy to even step foot in a building associated with God.

…

Lumberjack noticed and followed me out to check on me. I shared the basics of feeling unworthy with him, and I remember him asking how I know I’m unworthy, and I didn’t have an answer.

Fast forward a bit, and I decide to divorce my husband but can’t find the strength to follow through and have that conversation. … I decided to ask Lumberjack for a Bible, and he gave me one before the end of the day.

I was sitting on my bed, terrified. I had never prayed with so much hope for an answer, which meant just as much anxiety about being rejected. But I needed to know. I needed to know I was doing the right thing leaving my husband (another thought that in and of itself terrified me).

So I prayed. This was no fancy, elegant, well-worded prayer. I poured out my heart to a God I thought would reject me for all I’d done wrong; I begged, if He was going to give me an answer to this, that it be clear, undeniable.

I finished the prayer and set the Bible in front of me. Staring at the ceiling, I let the book fall open. I put my finger on one of the pages and looked down. I was stunned, speechless. Right under my finger said, “Do it. Fear not.”

(The whole verse was 1 Chronicles 28:20 “And David said to Solomon his son, Be strong and of good courage, and do it: fear not, nor be dismayed: for the LORD God, even my God, will be with thee; he will not fail thee, nor forsake thee, until thou hast finished all the work for the service of the house of the LORD.”)

Despite how evil I was, how much wrong I’d done in my life and was still doing… God still answered me… Because He knew in that very moment, I was truly, wholeheartedly seeking Him.

He gave me the strength I needed to start turning my life around; to start looking for the narrow path.

…

For years, I believed I had already screwed my chances with God. I believed I was the abomination everyone told me I was; there was no saving me from Hell.

…

But like so many others, I forgot about God’s mercy, His love, His grace.

Jesus is a friend to sinners… because we’re all sinners.

…

Take it from me, you’re not too far gone…

He’s just waiting for you to turn to Him…

To choose Him.

…

Just remember when you choose Him, that doesn’t mean your life is suddenly going to be easy. That doesn’t mean you won’t be tempted by all sorts of things. That doesn’t mean you won’t still fall.

But it’s not about how many times you fall; how many times you fail; how many times you sin…

It’s about never giving up on Him… Never giving up on getting closer to Him every day… Remembering that one day, you’ll be with Him in His kingdom with no more pain and suffering.

Choose Him. And then keep choosing Him every day after that.

Isaiah 41:10

“Fear thou not; for I am with thee: be not dismayed; for I am thy God: I will strengthen thee; yea, I will help thee; yea, I will uphold thee with the right hand of my righteousness.”